Careful Confessions
by Demosthenes23
Summary: A brief glimpse into the beginning of Clarke and Lexa's romantic relationship after the mountain. ONE SHOT


**Thank chrmdpoet for planting this head canon.**

* * *

Winter had come and gone and Spring was now upon them, life returning to Earth in more ways than one. Lexa and Clarke had finally mended their fractured relationship and were closer than they'd ever been before. Recently they had taken to spending every spare minute together, exploring Polis (or in Lexa's case, re-exploring), interacting with the citizens (in particular the children), and just generally having a good time. More evenings than not they would end up having dinner together in the commander's house and Lexa would drink wine and even laugh every once in awhile at something Clarke had said (whether it was funny or not).

On one such evening, Clarke had had a little too much liquid courage and decided to take their relationship to the next level. Lexa was mid-sentence when Clarke abruptly grabbed her shirt and pulled her into a scorching kiss. Though obviously surprised, Lexa did not object to the contact and eagerly reciprocated their first kiss since before the mountain fiasco. Before long, Clarke manoeuvred them over to the couch, (a pre-apocalypse relic) pushed Lexa roughly done and then straddled her. They made out for a time, things becoming increasingly heated, and then to Clarke's confusion and frustration, Lexa suddenly broke the spell, holding her back with a staying hand to the chest. Clarke dropped the edges of Lexa's shirt, impatiently waiting.

"Clarke, perhaps we should resume this when you are sober?"

Not wanting to stop, Clarke pouted and half whined, "You've been drinking too."

"Yes, I have," Lexa agreed with a dip of the head, "but you have had considerably more than I."

"Keeping tabs on me, huh?" she said grumpily, even as her head spun with equal parts libation and excitement.

"I always have my eye on you, Clarke," Lexa replied sincerely, softly, cupping her face and rubbing her thumb across her cheek.

Clarke groaned, tipping her head back slightly under Lexa's touch. "You do realize when you say stuff like that, I want to tear your clothes off even more?"

Lexa stiffened underneath her, raising both eyebrows.

 _Shit, a_ _double_ _eyebrow raise! Did I say that out loud?!_

Flushing further than she already was, Clarke disentangled herself from Lexa's lap and then just stood (or rather swayed) there awkwardly, not looking at her.

"Yeah, you're probably right," she muttered. "I should go." She took a few steps away, stumbling and bumping into the low table, nudging the books on top of it.

"Clarke," Lexa said, making her halt, but not turn around. "Would you like me to walk you home?"

Embarrassed at her outburst and lack of coordination, she begrudgingly saw the logic in this offer and nodded.

* * *

Two days later, after the horrible hangover day - in which Lexa took care of her - Clarke attempted to resume where they had left off. They were on Clarke's bed, things steadily heading towards the holy land of no clothes, when Lexa _again_ stopped her, just as Clarke had been about to take off her _own_ shirt.

Annoyed, she nevertheless tried to keep things light. She grinned, "I swear I'm bone dry this time."

 _Well, not down below..._

"I know," Lexa said beneath her, nodding against the recently cleaned sheets that Clarke had accidentally puked on the previous day. Lexa's lovely hair was somewhat undone and frazzled, catching the dull orange glow of the setting sun through a slit in the curtained window. Yes, they had _windows_ in Polis. And doors with locks. How wonderful such simple inventions were when one was accustomed to tents and annoying intrusions by so called friends.

Clarke just looked down at her, doing her best not to run her hands up Lexa's toned biceps and through her hair, waiting for her to get to the point of this inexplicable interruption.

"Clarke, there is something I wish to discuss with you."

If Lexa's tone hadn't been so serious, Clarke would have made a glib response, maybe even nibbled on her earlobe. Instead she pushed off of Lexa, crossed her legs and gave her her full attention. Lexa likewise mirrored her actions, knees bumping into Clarke's, and then folded her hands in her lap, looking off to the side as if collecting her thoughts.

Clarke had time to soak in her beauty and the quiet confidence she always possessed. Whatever in particular was bothering her was completely inscrutable to Clarke, though it obviously had something to do with their romantic exploits.

 _Oh God_ , thought Clarke in horror, _is she going to want to talk about all of our past lovers_? _Should I tell her about that one time with Bellamy? No, no, no, she'll slit his throat in jealousy the next time they meet! And then there'll be another war and-_

Lexa's gaze flickered back to hers. Without missing a beat, and without a visible sign of discomposure, "Part of the reason I stopped you the other night is because I've never been with anyone before."

Clarke's brain didn't immediately compute and she just blinked blankly at this revelation. This lack of response was quickly followed by surprise and then confusion. Her brow furrowed as she said, "But you and Costia...I thought...? When we first met, you told me-"

Lexa shook her head gently a few times. "I told you that she was special to me, I never alluded to what degree we had been intimate."

"You called her 'mine'," said Clarke, still trying to process this unexpected turn of events. "I clearly remember that."

"And she _was_ mine, Clarke...for a time." She closed her eyes in a pained manner. "Just not in _that_ way."

"How come you never...?" Clarke gestured vaguely, feeling distinctly awkward discussing Lexa's lack of sex life, especially when she herself was so incredibly horny. Couldn't she have discussed this earlier?

 _Did you really give her a chance, Griffin? You attacked her both times..._

The guilt didn't have much time to take root before Lexa was hunching her shoulders, releasing a shuddering sigh, like the Earth itself were shattering. Clarke's heart went out to her and she took Lexa's hand. It was trembling ever so slightly. Whether from the subject matter or pure emotion, Clarke couldn't say.

"As you already know, from a young age I was bred to be the commander. When I did claim that title at sixteen, the constant demands of my people did not leave much time for personal endeavours. I was also always so preoccupied with my grand ideas, with uniting the clans, that I never really even thought of having someone for myself. We travelled frequently to fight those that did not see reason, who put up active and damaging resistance to joining the coalition." Lexa caught her eye. "Like you, she was a healer, and she spent most of her time mending those that I had ordered to be broken. Unlike some, there was no judgement in her eyes, only understanding. She could see that what I was trying to do was for everyone's benefit, and if many of the dissenters had to die in the process, so be it. We conversed often in my tent, just the two of us. She had a lovely smile." Eyes cast downwards, she sighed deeply again, squeezing Clarke's hand tight. "I could be my true self with her. If I had known...I didn't mean to fall in love, it just happened. And then she was taken before we had a chance to consummate our relationship."

There was a thick silence between them for some moments. Then Clarke placed her other hand over top their joined ones. When Lexa looked back up, her eyes were watery with the ghost of remembrance.

Clarke smiled compassionately. "Thank you for telling me this, Lexa. I know it couldn't have been easy...for many reasons." Lexa nodded dully and Clarke rubbed a thumb in circles on the side of Lexa's hand, the grip relaxing. "You may not think so, but she was lucky to have you for as long as she did. It really is a privilege to get to know the _real_ you." She brought their joined hands up to her lips, brushing lightly. "I'm sorry for pressuring you, for making you feel so uncomfortable. It wasn't my intention. It's just the way you kiss me back..." Clarke found herself staring at Lexa's swollen and cracked lips, while absentmindedly touching her own, "I thought you were ready."

 _Hell, I thought you were ready before I took down the mountain. I've never seen someone so thirsty._

"But if you're not, we can take things slower from here on out."

 _Though it's really damn hard with you_.

After a few moments Lexa shook her head, tight and miniscule. "I have no desire to wait, Clarke." Her eyes languorously trailed down to her cleavage and then back up again. They were so lust filled that Clarke swallowed hard and found the throb between her thighs ignite once more with a vengeance. "I have waited long enough."

Clarke licked her lips, tasting a remnant of blood. "In that case...do you want to continue?"

To Clarke's disbelief, Lexa's features abruptly became shy, even nervous, something unseen thus far. How was this the same girl she had been so intimidated by that she had needed to drink a shit ton just to break their friendly camaraderie?

"I wish to be with you, Clarke," she fidgeted faintly, "but I fear you will be disappointed with my lack of prowess."

This statement was so ridiculous to Clarke that she blurted, "Lexa, I love you!" without her consent. Both of them were taken by surprise. Her heart beat wildly at her flub and she blushed violently in embarrassment, resisting the strong urge to hide her face in her hands, to sink through the furs and the wooden floor and escape, never to return.

 _What the hell? I'm not even drunk!_

Lexa's eyes widened and then softened. She smiled tenderly at Clarke, cupping her rosy cheeks in her hands, kissing her reverently. "And I you," she breathed out afterwards, rubbing their noses together briefly, something Lexa hadn't had the chance to do since the mountain thanks to her own aggressive advances. Again, another twinge of guilt licked at her insides, quickly squashed by the sheer warmth and acceptance elicited by Lexa's reciprocation.

Clarke returned the smile, placing her hands over top Lexa's. She cleared her throat. "What I was _trying_ to say before was that nothing you could ever do could disappoint me. Just you looking at me a certain way gets me worked up." She kissed the inside of her wrist. "I can only imagine what your touch will do."

Lexa stared at her for a time, stared _through_ her and then came back to herself with that thirsty, hot as hell look. "Imagine no longer," she whispered, encircling her waist and lowering her onto the bed.

Clarke squealed internally, or at least what she thought was internally.

Lexa arced a brow and Clarke thought, ' _Dammit_!'

A small smirk graced Lexa's kiss worn lips and Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Well, come on then stud," she grinned, wrapping her arms around her neck, "let's see if you can make me do that again."

* * *

 **Originally this was going to be absolutely ridiculous, with Lexa using increasingly lame excuses to get away from Clarke, maybe even use Indra to announce something 'important' that Lexa had to attend to mid make out session, and Clarke was going to get angrier and scarier every time this sort of thing happened, but then it just didn't seem like a good fit for Lexa's personality, so it became this instead.**


End file.
